Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
