Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
