I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
