Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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