I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
