i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
