Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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