so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
