I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i love accidental penises.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
