My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
