Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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