I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
