at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
