I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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