Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
