I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
