I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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