grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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