i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
