69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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