i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
