So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
