Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
