Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
