that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you never un-have a 4some
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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