this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
