I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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