this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
