did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
