The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
