Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
