I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
