I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
