so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
