I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
