Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
