Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
