is your mom at the bar?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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