I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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