He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
