Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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