how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
