3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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