y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
