seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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