evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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