I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
