I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
