I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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