3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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