im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
