Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
