I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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