hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
