3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
