I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
