just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
