My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
