why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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