mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
